I really never thought it would get to this point… I’m not exactly sure what happened.  I was busy with life, a demanding job a move to a new house and dealing with a difficult family.  The next thing I know I’m 40 pounds heavier and that was on top of the 40 pounds I have already gained the year before.  I currently weigh 290 pounds and I have never felt worse in my life, physically and mentally.  It’s affecting everything in my life.  Work, relationships, health, bad habits.  Most important of all I feel like I don’t have any control of how to fix my situation. 

I’m ideally 90 pounds over weight, but if we’re being honest for my size and body frame I’m really about 130 pounds over weight.  The last time I went to the doctor I was classified as Class Three severely obese.  I’m not sure what ‘class three’ means, but I know what severely obese means.  I don’t see an obese man when I look in the mirror, but I do see him in photographs and videos.  That’s probably why I stay out of pictures and never post anything visual on social media.  I do my best not to go out in public except to go to the grocery store and having a job where I can work from home does not help the situation.

Sadness and depression is definitely an effect of sever weight gain and drinking away my sadness of course is making my health situation worse.

I feel that I’m ready to start making serious changes.  I just don’t want to live and feel like this anymore and I don’t want my health to get any worse or do any more damage to my body.  I’m turning 49 this year and I need to start thinking about my future and how an important part my health will play in it.

I’ve lost weight before a few times in my life and got to a good weight, but then shortly after I got to my goal weight, I would gain the weight back pretty quickly too.  I never took seriously that I need to engage in a major lifestyle change in addition to working out and losing weight. I need to focus not only my mind, but my mind, body and spirit to be able to do this.  I need to get motivated and also keep the negativity at bay and not by my own worst enemy.  No more thinking when, or someday, or one day.  The time is now.  I need to accept the fact that I cannot change what has happened or where I am at the present time.  All I can do is move forward starting now.  Day 1.

Next… Going Dark.